I arrived home from work and (being a sufferer of paruresis) I immediately went to use our bathroom. While in the bathroom the Mother of Five (quite hurriedly) told me she had to leave. Being “preoccupied”, I shrugged my shoulders and went on to finish the task at hand.
Upon completion of the task (and follow up hand washing task) I headed off to the kitchen to “graze” for a little post work-day snack. I opened the refrigerator and…
>> GASP <<
…was faced with a scene of what could only be described as a gruesome crime!!
Immediately, I wondered who the Mother of Five chopped up and stuffed in our refrigerator… But then, the “other” questions started popping into my head… Thinks like “What did she say we were having for dinner tonight?”, “Why is there a Crockpot of fava beans cooking on our counter”, Chianti? Since when does the Mother of Five serve fava beans and a nice Chianti with dinner?”, “Is she going to try and tell me it tastes like chicken?”
That’s when I started getting REALLY nervous! I wondered HOW would I even begin raising these kids after she gets sent up the river on a 25 to life sentence. (Could I just release them to the wild, and hope they would be adopted by a pack of wolves?? Would that even be fair to the wolves??)
There were FAR too many unanswerable questions, and since US Federal Common Law would allow me to do so – I could clean up any and all evidence of the crime, and then evoke my Spousal Privilege!
That was it!! That was the way out of my dilemma!!
About an hour later (after mops, rags, soapy water, and a toothbrush were used) all sign(s) of whatever heinous acts (that may or may not have been committed in our kitchen today) by the Mother of Five are gone.
Disclaimer
All “victims” eluded to in this post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to any person alive or dead is purely coincidental. No person was harmed in the making of this post. (I can’t say that for the pot of tomato soup that fell from the top shelf of the fridge, splattered all over the refrigerator, and kitchen floor, but I can so no one was harmed) and I must add that the Mother of Five is an AMAZING cook who would NEVER consider cannibalism as an option (well, at least that I am aware of).